I Corinthians 12:11–But all these worketh that one and selfsame Spirit, dividing to every man severally as he will.
I have been called a few things in life that aren’t exactly nice. And, I have worried all my life about how others see me. Sometimes it may not seem like it from the outside looking in, but I am very self-conscious. It doesn’t take much from another person to make me doubt myself or my abilities. One inadvertent comment and I am questioning my self-worth. One not-so-nice name and I am questioning who I am. One wrong-worded criticism and I feel like a complete failure. I am hard on myself and easy on others, it seems. When I am alone, I know who I am, where I want to go, and how I am going to get there. But, throw in a criticism or two and it takes days to regain my equilibrium.
God made me exactly who I am, every part of me, every ability, every doubt and fear. He chose which talents to divide out into my make-up. He chose which strengths and weaknesses to instill, which things would bring me joy and which heartache.
I seem to live life in waves. When I am perched atop a tall one, I am confident. When I am riding the trough between, I am not. I don’t think I am alone. It seems that we all possess the fear that others will not like us, will not approve, will think we cannot succeed. But, in the end, the true measure of my success is whether or not I have made God proud today. Have I served Him? Have I spoken kindly? Have I prayed? Have I written the words He wanted me to write? No matter what others think, I need to remind myself (constantly) that my gauge isn’t around me, it’s above me, and it matters more than anything else.
(Photo taken by me at our house of Tiger Swallowtail Butterfly on Purple Thistle)