James 1:22–But be ye doers of the word, and not hearers only, deceiving your own selves.
I had a hard time with the transition from being foster parents to closing our doors. God called me to be a foster parent and I am so thankful we had that experience. I am so thankful that we were able to adopt our two foster children and make them permanently part of our home. But, that also meant we had to know our limits. We all have them, and though it has been tough for me to admit it, I believe I’ve reached mine. It’s hard because my heart still longs to help. There are SO many children in the foster system, so many infants that need loving homes to help them wean off the drugs they are born dependent on. And it kills me that I can no longer help them.
So when we prayed and realized that it was time to move on to our next callings, there was both relief and sadness. I truly believe that my current calling from God is to write. To pen down the words and thoughts He gives me and create. I’ve always loved to write, ever since I was a very small girl, and I am passionate about it. Being an author is my dream come true. But something about it feels smaller than the difference I was making as a foster parent, and I’ve struggled with that. Fostering was such an obvious change in our lives. Everywhere we went people could tell we were ministering to these children, because there were two more with us. And, though it isn’t about what other people think, it was a bit validating to know that what God called us to do was obvious. We were doing good each and every day, witnessing to others, encouraging people to think about a problem right under their noses they hadn’t thought about.
My pastor read this scripture along with some definitions of ‘doer’ at church last Wednesday. And I was suddenly humbled and elated. God confirmed my new calling for me. Doer means author. I needed that confirmation to show me that I am truly on the correct path now. Writing is doing for God. Authoring-writing with inspiration from God with the intention of bringing His love to others- is more subtle than fostering. But it is still a work for Him and it is time for me to embrace it and feel fulfilled that I am answering His calling. While I am happy we were able to foster and adopt and change the lives of these two little ones, I am even happier that God has given me a way to pursue a dream I’ve had since I was four years old. A dream that excites me daily, that fills me with a sense of accomplishment and purpose once again.
Photo taken by me at our house in TN. Ice on grass. Jan 2013